by Andrew Lafleche.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Andrew is a University of Gloucestershire MA student in Creative and Critical Writing, studying on the distance learning programme, from Canada. He describes his work as a blend of social criticism, philosophical reflection, explicit prose, and black comedy. In 2016 he received the John Newlove Poetry Award.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Please note that ‘In Memory of Casey Philips’ has adult themes including sexual assault.<\/p>\n\n\n
In Memory of Casey Philips<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cMy uncle just moved in,\u201d Casey said.<\/p>\n I knew there was more.<\/p>\n \u201cDon?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell that will probably be good for your dad, won\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah,\u201d Casey said, \u201cMaybe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s up Case?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon,\u201d Casey started, \u201cDon.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t follow.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve never told anyone this before.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not anyone.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon raped me.\u201d<\/p>\n My face was blank. Casey was serious. He kept his eyes staring at the ground and said it again, \u201cI think he raped me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you mean, you think he raped you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe raped me.\u201d<\/p>\n Casey was more ashamed than sad. He kept his head down, \u201cLast summer.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m telling you now.\u201d<\/p>\n By the end of the conversation I wanted to crush the skull of every adult I\u2019d ever met.<\/p>\n \u201cRemember how I went to Golden Lake with my uncle last summer?\u201d Casey said.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCase, bro, you have to give me more than that,\u201d I said, unsure of what to say. \u201cDo we have to kill somebody?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cStop,\u201d he said. \u201cI just want you to listen.\u201d<\/p>\n I nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cLast summer,\u201d he began, \u201cI was working for my uncle at the Sunset Greenhouse over on Fourth Street.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, yeah,\u201d I said. \u201cI subbed a few Saturdays with you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere. Don always treated us good. He always treated me better. I thought it was because I was family. I didn\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCase,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n \u201cEvery Friday he let me have a beer at the end of my shift with the older guys.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I remember.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt felt good being accepted with them; like I\u2019d made it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was always jealous of you, man.\u201d<\/p>\n As soon as I said it, I regretted it.<\/p>\n \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLooking back I can see all the signs. I can connect all the dots, Troy. All the flags were there.\u201d<\/p>\n In a conversation like this, after you fumble the first few exchanges, you shut up quick, and I did.<\/p>\n \u201cThat Friday he mentioned how his cottage needed the roof re-shingled. One beer deep and soaking up the attention from the new group I thought I\u2019d earned my way into, I said, \u2018I can totally give you a hand.\u2019 Hook, line, and sinker, Troy. That was him baiting me. I remember the other guys in the room. I remember their faces when Don threw the lure out, like they knew his thing for younger boys.<\/p>\n \u201cThey winced, Troy. I thought they were avoiding offering their own help. It was awkward. Then to break the silence I said, \u2018Ya for sure. I don\u2019t have anything going on this summer; I just have to clear it with my parents first.\u2019<\/p>\n \u201cDo you know how many times I\u2019ve regretted saying that?\u201d he asked. \u201cThose guys just standing there.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA few weeks later he was picking me up in his red Tracker at my parent\u2019s house. Now every time I see an old red Chevy I rage out.\u201d<\/p>\n Casey was flexing his hands open then closed.<\/p>\n \u201cOn the way to his cottage we stopped by this burger shack. Weber\u2019s or something. There was a gun warehouse that sold beer right beside. He grabbed a six-pack and wanted to buy me a hat but I felt like I was already taking advantage of him with the beer so I said no.<\/p>\n \u201cThe rest of the drive up he let me drink. Looking back I remember asking, \u2018Aren\u2019t you having any?\u2019 But he told me how it was OK for me to, but that he was responsible to bring me back to my mom and dad safe and sound. He said he\u2019d drink when we arrived.<\/p>\n \u201cAt the cottage he showed me my room then pulled out some rum from Jamaica.\u201d<\/p>\n He paused.<\/p>\n \u201cI was such an idiot.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCase.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe had this handcrafted bar in the living room with mirrors reflecting the collection of bottles. He even had a mirror on the ceiling like you\u2019d see in one of those trashy honeymoon hotel rooms. On the counter was a wood carved statue from Thailand or somewhere. Boner. That\u2019s what he called it. It was this roughly carved caveman-looking fuck with an oversized erect penis. He laughed when he saw me looking at it. Like I had a choice. It was on the bar right in front of where he stood so I had to ask about it. He told me his friend who traveled brought it back for him and had a good laugh as he pretended to stroke the shaft. It was uncomfortable, but he\u2019s my uncle, so I laughed with him.<\/p>\n \u201cHe poured the drinks behind the bar and we went out to his deck overlooking the lake. I felt a little off with the statue and the stroking and the drinks, but him being my uncle and being outside in the woods with the lake, I just sort of dismissed all my concerns.\u201d<\/p>\n Clenching his fists and breathing deep he said, \u201cI\u2019m such a fucking idiot, Troy.\u201d<\/p>\n I watched him silently.<\/p>\n \u201cThe people at the cottage next to his were there. A young couple, older than me but younger than Don, they came by when they saw us outside. \u2018Hey Donny,\u2019 the neighbour guy said when they started their walk over. I forget their names but there were two of them and they definitely had their suspicions.<\/p>\n \u201cThey drank with us for a while, like that annoying girlfriend who won\u2019t leave knowing her girlfriend will sleep with whoever she\u2019s trying to save her from.<\/p>\n \u201cEven if it\u2019s not true, I remember their eyes screaming, \u2018RUN,\u2019 but I kept letting him fill my drink. I\u2019d never been so drunk before and it was awesome, Troy. The stars out there were fucking outrageous.<\/p>\n \u201cHis neighbours left and we went inside. He poured more rum from behind the bar and then closed the shades. Then he said, \u2018Fucking Boner, huh?\u2019<\/p>\n \u201c\u2018Yeah Don, that\u2019s some weird shit.\u2019 I laughed as I drank the new drink. You know how when you\u2019re finally accepted, you want to act bigger than you are?\u201d<\/p>\n I nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cI was drinking, trying to keep up because I thought he was drinking just as much as me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCase,\u201d I said, \u201cwe\u2019ve all been there.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Troy. You haven\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n I bit my lip and dodged his eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cDon stood above me and laughed. He said, \u2018I\u2019m going to suck your dick.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n Somehow Casey bowed his head even lower and in an almost-whisper-like voice said, \u201cI laughed.\u201d<\/p>\n I wanted to scream the pause lasted so long.<\/p>\n I wanted to shake him, \u201cCase, you fuck. Fuck.\u201d<\/p>\n I think he wanted me to yell at him and hit him, even though we both knew it wasn\u2019t his fault. All it would have been was him bearing the brunt of what we both wanted to exact on the world around us.<\/p>\n \u201cBefore I knew it,\u201d Casey said, \u201che was on his knees unzipping my jeans.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCase,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n \u201cI was hard, Troy,\u201d he said. \u201cHe gripped it fucking perfectly and put his mouth on it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCase.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe blew me Troy, and I didn\u2019t move. I couldn\u2019t move. I just let him suck my dick.\u201d<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t say anything.<\/p>\n \u201cAfter a while he took my hands and led me to the bedroom. He laid me on the bed and undressed me. I was immobile. Then he took his clothes off.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCasey,\u201d I said, \u201cyou don\u2019t have to do this.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI felt his whiskers brush against the side of my face. I expected to smell rum on his breath, but there wasn\u2019t any to smell. He was stone sober. The whole night had been a set up.\u201d Casey picked at his jeans. \u201cHe rolled me over. I felt him push against my ass and I knew what he was doing. My face mushed into one of the pillows. I remember seeing an ax in the corner of the room. I remember his dick being soft.\u201d<\/p>\n Casey kind of looked up and asked, \u201cDo you remember those water filled worm-like toys?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWater-snakes. That\u2019s what they\u2019re called. That\u2019s what his penis felt like against my ass. Limp. Trying desperately to force its way in but bending and missing every time he tried. I begged him to stop, I said, \u2018Don, please,\u2019 but this just turned him on more.\u201d<\/p>\n Casey let out a sob.<\/p>\n \u201cIt hurt so bad Troy. Like needles being forced through my guts. My body tightened. I could barely breath. It\u2019s when everything went black.\u201d<\/p>\n He told me how he woke up the next morning to an empty bed. He smelled cooking in the kitchen and could hear bacon frying.<\/p>\n \u201cIn the corner of the room where I saw the ax the night before, it was gone. From the kitchen I heard Don asking all playful like, \u2018Is that movement I hear in there?\u2019 As if the night before didn\u2019t happen. My boxers were folded beside the bed. So were my jeans. I put them on and as I was putting them on I saw the blood on the sheets.<\/p>\n \u201cI think he went at me all night. I felt like I was going to throw up. The hangover was clawing at the backs of my eyes. \u2018I made bacon and eggs,\u2019 Don said when he saw me. \u2018I was thinking instead of working on the roof we go out on the boat and try and get you up on those water skis.\u2019<\/p>\n \u201cBeside where he was cooking breakfast was one of those old phones with the dials on the front. It was unplugged from the wall. I didn\u2019t know what to do. I didn\u2019t know what to say, so like the little bitch I am, I said, \u2018Yeah, that\u2019d be cool.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re not a bitch, Case,\u201d I said. \u201cDon\u2019t even fucking play that card.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd that was that. When I called home later that night, Don hovered as I talked to my mom. When it was time for bed he offered me his, but I politely declined. Can you believe it? I politely declined letting him use me as his sex toy and slept on the couch instead. I barely slept, but I know I dozed off at some point because in the morning he was standing over me again. I just wanted to get out of there. I told him I had to get back to make it on time to watch the football game with my dad.<\/p>\n \u201cOn the drive home, we stopped at the same gun shop we stopped at on the way up. I stayed in the car. When Don returned, he tossed a plastic bag on my lap and said, \u2018You earned it, kiddo.\u2019 It was the wide-brimmed hat I was looking at before. I felt like puking. We drove the rest of the way in silence. The fucking guy, he even waved and smiled to my mom when she welcomed me home.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCasey.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo Troy, don\u2019t say anything,\u201d he said. \u201cI just wanted you to know he was staying at the house now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s do something about it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s going to try again.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d he said. \u201cThe past three nights he\u2019s crawled into my bed after I was already asleep.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDid you hit him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI went downstairs to the couch.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo,\u201d he said. \u201cHe followed me down. I ended up sleeping on the floor.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEvery night?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n \u201cFor the past three.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCase,\u201d I said. \u201cWhat do you want me to say?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t want you to say anything,\u201d Casey said. \u201cI just wanted someone to know.\u201d<\/p>","protected":false},"featured_media":0,"template":"","categories":[398],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5324","project","type-project","status-publish","hentry","category-student-stories"],"acf":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/uniofglos.blog\/creativewriting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/project\/5324","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/uniofglos.blog\/creativewriting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/project"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/uniofglos.blog\/creativewriting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/project"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/uniofglos.blog\/creativewriting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5324"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/uniofglos.blog\/creativewriting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5324"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/uniofglos.blog\/creativewriting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5324"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}