Our deepest desires
12th October 2023
Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose you have a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have no food to offer him.’ And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need.
“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Luke 11, 5 – 10
How is your Spice Girls knowledge? For those who don’t know, they were a 90s all girl UK band (my daughter was a big fan!). Do you know the first line of their best known song Wannabe?
Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want. So, tell me what you want, what you really really want…
We might think that being a Christian is not at all about getting what we want. There’s a prayer by St Ignatius. He’s one of my heroes, but I’m not sure about this prayer:
Teach us, good Lord, to serve you as you deserve,
to give and not to count the cost, to fight and not to heed the wounds,
to toil and not to seek for rest, to labour and not to ask for any reward,
save that of knowing that we do your will.
It sounds like being a Christian is all about doing what God wants, and not getting what we want. But I think that today’s reading says something else. Jesus tells the story of someone who goes on pestering his friend – at midnight – until he gets what he wants – and Jesus approves of his ‘shameless audacity’. And then Jesus says these three simple sentences: ‘Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.’
I think what Jesus is saying is ‘Tell me what you want, what you really, really want’. We sometimes see our desire as something bad – something that gets in the way of our relationship with God. And its true that giving in to some desires may be harmful for us or for other people. I might desire to drink a bottle of wine every night, but that wouldn’t be great. I might desire to be successful in my job, but if that drives me to overwork, or to putting other people down, that wouldn’t be a good thing.
That’s why we need to look underneath our desires, to what we really, really want. What are we really looking for? Our very deepest desires are not for nice experiences, or possessions, or success, or even popularity. Our deepest desires are to receive and give love, and to find meaning in our lives, and to find a way of living that is truly life giving. Which might be what that prayer was getting it.
St. Ignatius also suggests that we reflect on our lives each day – and to ask God to guide us. As we look back over the day, last thing at night, or maybe like me, early in the morning, we ask ourselves what has been the most lifegiving thing from that day. What has somehow enriched us the most? It might be a conversation, or something we saw on a walk, or something we did that was creative or fulfilling, or even a time we spent supporting someone having a hard time – or being supported. It will be different for each of us because we are different. If we do this with God’s help, we will usually find that time when we felt most alive.
That’s what we really, really want, isn’t it – more of those times when we feel most alive? And that’s just what God wants to give us. Reflecting like this is a way of getting in touch with our deepest longings and desires. That can be a great guide for us in our lives. Doing this is one of the things which led to me becoming a chaplain…
Part of the exercise is also to reflect on what has been least life giving for us – just noticing without judging ourselves. And that can also be revealing: maybe this thing we thought we wanted wasn’t really worth it.
The words of Jesus are very positive – ask and you will receive – seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened. We know that doesn’t mean that if we ask for a new car it will arrive on our drive. But if we bring our deepest longings to God then that will always open us up to receiving more deeply from him. We may discover that underneath our desire is another one, and another – and so come to find the deepest longing of our heart, maybe our longing for the unconditional love that God will always give us.
Let’s try some reflecting (Ignatius calls it the Examen).
As God to guide you as you look back over the last 24 hours. Run over them in your mind. Was there one time which was particularly lifegiving?
Remember that time. Savour it again. Give thanks for it.
Lord, give us the wisdom to see more clearly all that is lifegiving for us.
Think for a few moments about what was least lifegiving in the last 24 hours. Don’t judge yourself – just notice. Maybe there is something to learn.
Lord, give us the wisdom to see ways that are not really lifegiving for us, and give us the strength to turn away from them where it is possible.
Think about what you really, really want… Bring that deep desire to the God who loves you.
Lord, help us to trust you and to open our hearts and our lives to you.